Let’s be honest. Who doesn’t want to be in a relationship that looks like the real life version of The Notebook? I think we all want to find someone that we can still love and be loved by well into our gray haired days. So what is the secret to long lasting relationships? Investing 100% of yourself all the time.
How many times have you heard that a relationship should be 50/50? I hear it all the time and when you think of it, in a lot of ways it sounds like a healthy goal to strive for; both people contributing an equal amount to the relationship. If you are wanting to have a relationship or marriage that lasts, this type of thinking needs to be abandoned all together.
If you think of this philosophy anywhere else in our life we can see how flawed it is. We don’t believe we should invest only 50% of ourselves in our job. Can you imagine if we decided to only parent our children 50% of the time? What about with regards to our health? It seems to me that looking after our well being part time will likely only get us part time results. So why, in a relationship that can be most integral to our overall happiness, do we believe that we should only invest 50% of ourselves but expect it to last? I agree that our beliefs around what a healthy relationship looks like needs to be overhauled. Unfortunately I believe our focus is too centered on what we are getting from our partner instead of what we are giving, and it leaves us feeling unsatisfied.
Switching your focus on to what you can do to make your relationship better and meet your partner’s needs leaves you more fulfilled and the relationship more successful according to this article. I think, along with this, an important realization is that what you each give to the relationship is different. People bring different strengths to the relationship and it’s about acknowledging not just what your strengths are, nor just what his strengths are but rather valuing both strengths equally. We tend to overvalue what we bring to a relationship because it can be what we focus on most. If we switch our thinking and instead focus on how they contribute and how we can show our appreciation, our perspective changes to incorporate more gratitude. And gratitude is what makes life seem rich and our hearts full.
So what does all of this mean? We all want long lasting relationships that fulfill us over the years. If you are finding yourself less satisfied or more focused on how your partner isn’t holding up his end of the deal, take a step back and ask yourself what else you can do to better your relationship. In fact, give yourself a goal: For one month, wake up each morning and focus on what you can do to make your partner happy and meet his needs. After a month, reassess and see how you are feeling about the relationship. Perhaps share this article with your partner and see if you can both do the assignment. When we give and focus on giving, people are much more likely to give back.
What do you think? Do you think it takes more that 50/50 to make a relationship successful? What are your secrets to a lasting partnership?