John Gottman is a relationship researcher based out of Seattle Washington. You may have heard me talk about his Love Lab before in the past and the work he does with couples. Gottman has been able to predict with 94% accuracy which couples will work and which couples will divorce. One of the ways he has determined this is by noticing that there are 4 things in a relationship that cause significant damage and if left unchanged can or will cause the relationship to end. These 4 things are called the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The 4 Horsemen are:
Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling.
To read a good description of each of this click here. It will also show you the antidote to each so you know the healthy way to move through conflict and painful feelings.
If any of these horsemen are present in your relationship don’t automatically assume your relationship is doomed. Gottman believes that if you recognize these horsemen and do the work as a couple to get rid of them, your relationship can move forward in a healthy and successful manner.
