How often do you find yourself going through the same hurts, frustrations, fights or stalemates in your relationship? This can be one of the most common and disheartening issues that couples can find themselves in. The challenging piece when I see couples in this situation is they usually find themselves so exhausted by the situation that seeing their way out feels overwhelmingly challenging.
The great thing is I am here to offer the magic solution: If you don’t want the same issue to arise again and again then you need to keep investing in the solution. Brilliant isn’t it? I actually saw this when reading Nate Bagley’s research for his project Loveumentary and it couldn’t be more true. It requires work (afterall there is no such thing as a magic pill for relationship struggles!) but it will make a remarkable difference in your relationship if you commit to it.
Most couples really do try to resolve their problems so that they can move forward and feel connected and inspired by their relationship. So what makes that so difficult for so many of us? We become really focused on the problem instead of the solution. How can we fix this? Spend time really thinking about what you see the resolution to these issues being and get your partner to do the same. Once you know what the solution is, as mentioned above, you need to keep investing in doing the things that will improve your relationship.
Personally I think we can get forgetful in our relationships which means that despite our good intentions in the moment, we don’t always make a long term commitment to the solutions that will help repair our relationship. In order to not fall into this trap, write out the solutions in a place that is well seen (like your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.) and go through the list on either a daily or weekly basis. Sure this feels awkward and uncomfortable to begin with but think of how great it will feel to have your relationship on track and moving forward. By stepping into the discomfort of investing in solutions on a regular basis you get to avoid the painful patterns that lead to an unfulfilling relationship.