How has your year been starting off? Did you make some New Years resolutions or commitments for your relationship with your partner or yourself this year? If so, how have they been going? If not, would it be helpful for you to spend some time reflecting on what you want your relationships to look like this year? Maybe some steps you would like to take for yourself to be the best version of yourself in your relationships?
One goal I think we all need to have for ourselves both now and going forward is to be honest. Interestingly it is often one of the pieces at the beginning of a relationship that makes people feel so attracted to their partner. It is freeing being honest and having our partner know us. What happens is over time, is we start holding back our truth because we worry it’s going to hurt – both our partner and ourselves.
Honesty, however, really is the best way to have the relationship that you want. My partner has this line where he says “you can say what you mean but you can’t say it meanly.” There is actually a lot of truth to this. The term “brutally honest” should never exist in your relationship, because doing anything brutally isn’t healthy or appropriate. But the more we hide ourselves, the less connected we feel. The less connected we feel, the more likely we are question our relationship. Being honest is hard, but the feeling we have after being so vulnerable leads to more closeness and greater drive to be better in our relationship.
If this is too hard to begin with, then start with yourself. Allow your feelings to be what they are. Own them and try to explore them. Get curious about yourself so you can be clear on what you want and need and start taking steps from there. Pay attention to the pieces of information that are on replay in your head and see what they are really about. Are there things you’re dying to share but can’t? How many things do your friends know about your partner that your partner would be floored to hear? Get clear on your truth and the stories that build it. The clearer we are, the better we can share with our partner.
Whatever your situation, try to commit to being honest this year. It can be your greatest tool to moving forward.
