I think one of the most common sayings we hear, especially when going through a difficult time in our relationship, is that time heals all wounds. I often get asked if I believe this is true and for those who have sat with me during their heartbreak have heard me use it. My answer: yes and no.
Time really can make things better. Emotions subside, wounds heal and perspective is gained. Often when we are really close to something we can’t see what is really going on: the good, the bad and the ugly. As time goes by we are able to recover from injuries that were done, whether we are still in the relationship or the relationship ended. Ideally we learn to see the good that was there and forgive our partner and/or ourselves for the hurt that was caused. Of course, if we torment ourselves by staying stuck in what happened then the amount of time it takes is greater, but time really can heal wounds that at one time seemed irreparable.
What time doesn’t heal is our memory. We don’t forget what happened and, depending on how big of an impact the injury had, we carry a memory of it into our future relationship(s). Additionally, if we are the one who created the injury and we feel we didn’t adequately make amends then I don’t know if time ever fully takes all the guilt away until we do attempt to repair the damage in some shape or form.
So allow yourself to grieve while you are in it and try, if you can, to trust that in time what hurts now will eventually become less painful. Trust that the reason it hurts is because it mattered and know that while you will likely never forget what happened you will be able to feel whole and okay again.