We all hear about the importance of loving yourself – just about every self help author has at least one chapter on the importance of self-esteem – but did you know that your confidence can impact your relationship both in and outside of the bedroom? Below are 5 ways in which low self-confidence can impact your relationship:
- It Can Prevent You From Speaking Your Truth: when you struggle with your confidence it can make it harder to say what you are really feeling about your relationship. When we lack confidence we don’t always see our feelings or thoughts as worthwhile or we make our partner’s priorities more important than our own.
- It Puts Limits On Your Relationship: When you struggle with self-confidence you hold yourself back from doing new things mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually. This can prevent your relationship from growing and developing the way it needs to to be healthy long-term.
- It Can Cause You To Settle: When we have low self-confidence we can often believe that we don’t deserve to be treated lovingly and with respect. This can cause us to stay in unhealthy relationships for longer than we should and to normalize neglectful or abusive interactions.
- It Decreases Vulnerability: I know there may be some of you reading this that feel this is a good thing but the truth is the happiest couples are the ones who are able to be vulnerable with each other. Being vulnerable increases intimacy and relationship satisfaction. When we are insecure it makes it harder for us to trust others, which causes us to hold back from deep connection.
- We Unconsciously Sabotage: Because we don’t feel secure in our relationship we can start testing our partner and creating issues that would not have been there otherwise. We carry around the belief that the relationship ending is unavoidable and unconsciously or consciously engage in behaviors that assure its breakdown. When it inevitably happens our insecurity can convince us that it’s because we aren’t good enough for our partner instead of seeing the role we played in creating the ending.
The above list demonstrates some of the ways in which your insecurity can impact your relationship. While there are others, these are the ones I most frequently see and the ones that can often cause the most heartache. If you find yourself struggling with low self-confidence one of the best tools you can implement in awareness. Notice the ways in which your confidence gets in the way of you feeling happy and secure in your life and your relationships. As you increase this awareness take small steps to challenge it. Do something kind for yourself that makes you feel good about who you are, create a gratitude journal that you reflect in a few times a week (what we focus on expands!), challenge yourself to take one small step towards closeness with your partner by sharing with them what you like/love about them. Finally, if you are really struggling, reach out for help. Living with low self-confidence impacts so many different areas of your life and you deserve to be happy. Finding someone who can help you establish a healthy relationship to yourself could be the best investment you ever make.