Have you ever been in a relationship where awhile after it ends you start to wonder if breaking up was the best idea and if perhaps you two should give it a second chance? Getting back together with an ex can be a great idea but before you jump right back in, take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
What Caused The Break Up In the First Place? Sometimes in our desire to rekindle an old relationship, or to not feel so lonely, we can forget the main reasons why the relationship didn’t work in the first place. We start to minimize what didn’t work and focus only on what we miss and what we want back. Take a moment to write out what worked really well in the last relationship and what didn’t.
Bring yourself back to when you were making the decision to break up in the first place. What feelings did you have? Why did you feel the break up was necessary? Try to get as clear as possible so that you make the decision to reconcile from a healthy, realistic position, not an idealistic, romanticized one.
Are The Deal Breakers Still There? If the reason you broke up last time was because he didn’t want kids and you did, that probably hasn’t changed. As much as we work to convince ourselve
s that things will be different, sometimes they aren’t. Be sure that you both are on the same page in terms of what you want the relationship to look like and what is important to each of you.
Have You Both Done Your Work? The relationship ended because there were things that weren’t working with the two of you that were big enough that you couldn’t just push them aside. Have you both taken the necessary steps to work on yourselves as individuals so that those same things aren’t present the second time around? If the answer is no then you need to seriously consider the reasoning behind why you are getting back together.
Can You Forgive and Forget? Okay so maybe forget is a bit strong of a word but you get the point. If you are going to enter back into the relationship, you have to let go of the things that happened in the past and move forward. Holding grudges over your partner about things that happened the first time you were together is like holding a ticking bomb and not expecting it to go off. If you make the decision to get back together, you are making the decision to let go of the details and focus on the bigger picture.